things I never knew

A few deep thoughts from our new Hawaii reporter, Kona Lowell:

I never knew how pretty you were until I saw you with someone I really hated and wanted to kill, slowly and painfully and in a creatively malevolent way, like a Bond villain with a high-pitched voice and creepy eyebrows wearing a Nehru jacket and surrounded by indifferently beautiful women of dubious morals and deadly kung fu skills.

I never knew I had limitations until my head hit the ceiling with a resounding "thump."

I never knew Frank Sinatra, but I remember a song his daughter used to sing about boots.

I never knew so many people had dogs with last names.

I never knew enough to make me dangerous or rich.

I never knew I would miss you before you left and would want you to leave again so I could miss you some more and get over it.

I never knew my laugh was funnier than what I was laughing at.

I never knew that sheep could go for days without dreaming.

I never knew that the Farmer's Almanac was a book farmers used. I just thought it was written by some guy named Farmer.

I never knew soup was considered real food worldwide.

I never knew that chameleons could give birth whenever they felt like it.

I never knew I wasn't adopted.

I never knew dancing could lead to even more dancing.

I never knew the meaning of wife.

I never knew that a pretty girl was like a melody. I thought it was "malady."

I never knew the way to San Jose.

I never knew a man I didn't like, but I met plenty.

I never knew a secret someone else didn't already know.

I never knew you cared.